If you’re here, you’re my kind of people wanting to dive deep into your own personal growth and rewire your brain to be the best version of yourself. I love it.
I’m thrilled to dive into today’s article because we’re going to be talking about the power of your inner circle AKA why it’s so important to surround yourself with the type people who will help you on your healing journey instead of hinder it.
And also we’re going to chat about how to deal with friendship break ups, because so many times we hear about heartbreak from romantic relationships - cue all the love songs, but we never really chat about the weird feelings friend break ups bring us.
How can we masterfully navigate that in our minds?
Well, let’s rewire shall we -
Let’s take a little meander down memory lane.
I went to a university that was known for its drinking culture.
On accident.
I made the decision to go to UW Madison based off of how great of a school I heard it was, how pretty the campus was, the fact that it was right on 3 different lakes, and how they had a great Biochemistry program.
Yes I thought I was going to be a biochemist.
I loved research.
Still do.
Hence the combo of science and spirituality we do here on this pod.
Side note, I did not end up with a biochemistry major, I changed it to the lovely Community and Nonprofit Leadership major which was more up my alley of leading and helping people.
Little did I know that Wisconsin is a big drinking state.
Maybe I lived under a rock, but I realize that if you’re from Wisconsin you’re bearing cold ass winters by popping open a beer and then in the summer you’re on all of your lakes with a boat again with more beers.
Am I right?
Anywho, UW Madison was ranked the number one drinking school in the nation at some point in time.
And I didn’t realize how much of a drinking school it was until I arrived.
Most everything was centered around alcohol - tons of bars to go to, tons of people hosting parties, the game days including tons of drinking starting early in the morn.
Lots of pregames - then pregames to the pregames.
Like pre pre games.
Meaning you drank before you went to the party and then you drank before you went to the party before the party.
I was young and thought that would be fun to rave about parties and have some fun stories to tell.
Well it was fun, until eventually I grew out of drinking culture.
I craved deeper connections than the drunken late night superficial convos and compliments.
When the alcohol wore off it was like Cinderella’s carriage.
Everything turned into a pumpkin and everyone’s masks went back on.
Was I even really thaaaat close with any of these people?
Could we connect on a deeper level or was the superficial drinking layer all I’d get?
By my senior year, I wanted to hangout and talk about spirituality, different cultures, the world.
Perhaps I’m an old soul and didn’t feel like going out to the bars and getting wasted for 12 hours just to not remember a majority of it the next day.
This continued far after I graduated into the corporate world.
Tons of happy hours.
Tons of watching people live for the weekend and getting drunk Friday and Saturday nights.
I felt like everything revolved around getting together and drinking.
Yet, the nights I remember most are the ones where I had cozy hangouts in my apartment pulling tarot cards and telling my friends about my life dreams versus spending tons and tons of money at a bar.
But hey, that’s me and everyone is different.
When I really wanted to leave to travel the world, no one in my circle was doing that - so I sought out other people who were doing what I wanted to be doing and hearing from them.
When I left with a one-way ticket to Bali and ended up staying in Indonesia for over 2 years, some of my friends from home I got even closer to because they were so supportive of me and met me on a new level and some dropped off because I was no longer a participant in their drinking parties and they could no longer relate to me.
This doesn’t just pertain to college.
I’ve seen this extend in all areas of life at any given age and time.
Even when I was in Bali, all the way across the world, I watched this pattern play out before my eyes.
However, at that point, I was experiencing a total rebirth of myself and thinking about what kind of life I wanted to be living.
I wanted to surround myself with successful, abundant, self-aware people.
People who could talk about all the deep life things, sober.
During Covid, I picked an AirBnb that was calling to me.
Turns out it was the airbnb of a therapist and we lived together for 9 months.
She recalibrated my nervous system.
We had deep chats about life, I was able to talk about my shit without feeling judged, I was able to communicate effectively and honestly.
I specifically remember one night I had a full ass break down because I was in the process of naturally balancing my hormones while navigating a broken heart in a weird power dynamic relationship and she simply just laid on her bed and held me while I cried.
I never had that kind of space held for me before.
I looked around.
I was surrounded by people who were growing businesses, believing in themselves, ordering oysters and prosecco to celebrate themselves, trusting in the energetics of money and simply enjoying their lives.
This was crucial to my well being.
Previously, I was surrounded by people spending tons of money on alcohol.
I was constantly penny pinching and in a scarcity mindset.
It was eye opening to see how other people lived.
Joyous, trusting in the universe, so confident on their unconventional paths.
Using money as an energy expander rather than only viewing it as a currency.
Seeing this, experiencing it and being in the energy firsthand was a positive influence on reshaping my brain and giving me support when my brain wanted to loop back into old scarcity and unworthy patterns.
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Now, why are we talking about all of this?
Lots of reasons.
First, it’s important to remember energy is everywhere.
You are constantly playing a role on your environment and your environment is constantly playing a role on you.
Other people’s energies are constantly impacting us.
So if you’re constantly surrounded by people who are complaining and hating their lives, chances are you will drop into that vibration.
If you want to be in an abundance of money and high vibrations, choose to surround yourself with happy people who bring the best out of you and will lift your vibration.
You’ve probably heard the saying of motivational speaker Jim Rohn that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
I’m going to go on and expand on this.
You’re probably the average income, average happiness level, and average vibrational frequency.
So the goal of this episode, and we’re going to get into it a bit more in our next 2 segments is to really take a look at the people in your circle and ask yourself if they’re hindering your progress or if they’re helping you advance it.
This isn’t to say drop everyone cold turkey - it’s to say once you are aware of the friendships you have, you can start to make decisions accordingly.
Now, this isn’t to say go on LinkedIn and become besties with 5 people way above your current income level.
I mean if that’s your MO, be my guest.
Are you constantly the smartest person in the room?
It’s important to have a well rounded group.
People you can go to for different topics, having different conversations.
Some people YOU can share your knowledge with.
We have a different dynamic with every single person.
Some people you are more the mentee, some people you are more the mentor, and some people it’s a constant back and forth.
Someone might be the person you go to when you want to go grab a coffee, someone might be your salsa buddy, someone might be juuuuust ahead of you in business, and juuuuust behind you.
Or on a completely different path than you.
However, having a group of friends of genuine people that inspire you to be on the path toward your favorite version of yourself helps you call in your dreams and your goals.
They will mirror back to you your strengths, your shadows and everything in between.
They enrich your life by making you laugh, celebrating your wins, and pulling you out of the hole when you’re low.
This is simply a check in to have a look around at your crew.
Are they supporting the present version of you to help you get to where you want to go?
Are they ambitious people supporting your healthy habits with a positive outlook and positive attitude?
Or are they creating more negativity and distraction?
Maybe you realize you don’t want to spend your weekends drinking as much and then recovering the next day.
It can be as simple having a conversation with someone about how you no longer want to drink as much and you want to be on a different trajectory.
Maybe they accept that or maybe you don’t - then you get to choose your next step forward.
Maybe you start to protect your energy more because you realize that your friend simply uses you as a space to constantly complain and doesn’t return a safe space for you to process and it’s a major energetic pull.the favor.
Maybe you start going to new events that resonate with you to start to meet new people with similar interests that will elevate you to new vibrational levels.
The options are endless.
It doesn’t make friend break ups any less hurtful.
When you feel yourself drifting from someone, it can be painful when you’ve had so many beautiful memories and a deep emotional connection.
We question what we did and why we’re drifting.
A shift that has helped me is simply trusting that I’m heading into a new chapter and new people are coming in to support me in it.
I can embrace the feelings that I have for that friend and decide how I want to continue that friendship.
Maybe we grew apart because our values and priorities are no longer aligned, or maybe it's just a natural part of life where people come and go.
And that’s okay.
I can choose to cherish the memories we shared and the lessons they taught me.
I can also appreciate the growth and self-discovery that came from the friendship.
I can also choose to let go of any resentment or hurt feelings and send love and gratitude to that person.
It’s important to remember that not all relationships are meant to last forever, and that’s okay too.
I can trust that the universe has a plan and that new connections and experiences are waiting for me.
It’s all a part of the beautiful journey of life.
So, I can choose to let go with grace and gratitude, and move forward with an open heart and mind.
I am grateful for the memories and experiences we shared, and I am excited for what the future holds.
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Let’s talk about the famous Asch Conformity Test.
You might’ve heard this before or maybe it will sound familiar when I recap it, but basically:
The psychologist Solomon Asch did a bunch of conformity experiments back in the 1950s.
In these experiments, he had a bunch of participants in the same room and showed the participants an image of 3 lines of different lengths.
Then he asked the participants which lines were the same length.
The twist of it all is that all but one of the participants were in on the experiment and they were intentionally giving wrong answers.
The actual participant would then noticeably get confused because the answer is clearly wrong.
Yet, shockingly, a majority of the time, the participant would go with the group consensus even when it contradicted their own perception of reality.
Freaking fascinating.
Going against what you know to be true in order to conform.
So why do we conform?
Asch found that social pressure, fear of ridicule and even the beliefs that others must be right can push us to abandon our own judgment.
As humans, we have such a fear of abandonment because we have a higher chance of survival in community.
Think about it - back in the day, people worked together in community to make sure everyone was fed and healthy.
Someone got the water, someone hunted, someone gathered, someone took care of the children, etc.
And if you were left on your own, there was a higher chance you’d die off because doing it all on your own was way harder.
So when you feel abandoned, you may literally feel like you’re going to die.
This can happen when you get left out of the friend group outing or work people turn against you or you get rejected by a potential love interest.
Feeling abandoned can feel so disheartening, so to ensure our survival, love and safety, we just go with what the majority is doing.
This research sheds light on the powerful influence of group dynamics on individual behavior, revealing how we might sacrifice our own truth to avoid standing out.
So, next time you find yourself agreeing with the crowd, take a moment to reflect on whether it's truly what you believe, or if you're simply succumbing to the pressures of conformity.
So a brain hack you can do is to find some time to yourself and grab a journal.
I want you to strip the conditioning of your family, your friends, everyone, and simply sit with yourself.
What does your perfect life look like?
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Who are you surrounded by?
Then start to ask yourself, are the current people around you hindering you from being this person or helping you get there?
Meaning - are they supportive of your dreams or do they think they’re silly?
Are they living in abundance and finding joy in life or are they complaining all the time?
Do they fully accept you as you are or do you feel like you need to conform?
If they are hindering you, you don’t necessarily have to drop them cold turkey, the action step would be to put yourself in new situations to find more people who are on the path you want to go on.
Because there is a higher chance you’ll get to your goal if you surround yourself with people already in that frequency or on the path to be in that frequency.
Otherwise, you are getting pulled down and conforming to what others want for you instead of living your own life.
This may mean joining a new club or group, attending workshops or events related to your goals, or simply reaching out to individuals who inspire you.
It's important to be intentional about the company you keep and make sure they are supporting your growth and success rather than holding you back.
Remember, it's okay to outgrow certain relationships and prioritize your own well-being and goals.
Surround yourself with positivity and encouragement, and watch how your life transforms for the better.
So if you're like, well that all sounds well and good, but where am I going to meet these "right people?"
I've got the easiest way to surround yourself with like-minded people.
Join the Freedom Fast Track VIP Accelerator.
In this program, I will help you learn my 6 principles and techniques to rewire the brain in order to get you ready to take on new goals and challenges.
In this program we focus how to change your mindset and free yourself of limiting beliefs in order to keep getting the results you want.
This is one of the best ways to keep learning about the brain and elevates the standard of living to bring you to your version of success.
So are you interested in rewiring your brain and spending time with people who have your best interests in mind and will help you grow?
And a great way to start that would be to join my Freedom Fast Track community of people who are all striving to get towards their goals and magnetizing in their dream lives.
Thank you so much for joining me on 'Radically Rewired' today! To continue this beautiful journey of exploration and self discovery with me, sign up for my newsletter to get notified about my newest blog posts.
If you enjoyed this article, I’d be so appreciative if you could share it with a friend.
Your kind words and shares help create a positive ripple effect in the word to expand the amount of people who will have the opportunity to take these words and lessons and connect deeper to themselves and share their light.
I’m sooo grateful that you’re here taking another step toward living a life that feels extraordinary.
I can’t wait to see you in the next article.
Let's continue this transformative journey together, my friends. Until next time, keep rewiring, keep thriving, and keep shining.
If you have any questions and want to reach out to me, I'm here for you.
Much love,
Nicole
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